Is it them....or is it me??

Hello my badass readers! I hope you enjoyed my previous blog which focused on boundaries. As I reinforced, boundaries are the foundation of forging your own path and it is going to keep coming back and the people in your life will keep testing your resolve to see if you will recede from them.  At the beginning of your journey, the people in your life will test you, challenge you, and make you feel bad about having boundaries. They will compare your previous self to the new one and make comments about how you used to be so agreeable,  nice, easy, and accommodating. The reason why they’re making these comments is because they now have LESS ACCESS to you. When a person can no longer use you like they used to, they’re going to be mad, be pissed, and shame you. However, staying strong and reinforcing those boundaries is a necessity to show that you’re serious about your standards and your expectations. This demonstrates to people that you're real , will no longer be taking shit, and done  being treated like a doormat.

As you may have read, this blog spoke a lot about the people in your life which leads me to the next foundation of forging your own path.  This will include assessing the people and the relationships in your life. Are these people holding you back from your full potential? Do you feel loyalty to them because they’re family or you’ve known them since you were children? Are there generational bonds that keep you captive, stuck, and unable to move forward? 

There are four relationships that most of us have in our lives that may keep us stuck, unfulfilled, but we may be too afraid to let go of. Each has its own bonds that keep you from moving forward and embracing the life and path that you want in life. 

• Family: You’ve heard of the old saying, “blood is thicker than water.” But is that blood holding you back? All of our lives, we have been taught that family is the most important thing, we aren’t anything without our family, and the importance of family loyalty.  This is even more drilled into communal communities,  immigrants, Black, Hispanic, and Asian families.  Many times, we are taught from a young age that our family is our identity and we are nothing without them. But what if your family is full of toxicity? What if there are generational curses and traumas that keeps repeating every generation and nothing is being done about it? Is it the same shit over and over and over again? Sometimes, the toxicity, abuse (physical, emotional, psychological, drugs)  was the norm that you didn’t even know it wasn't normal until you’re out of the setting. You realized that in order to be better, you may have to leave the shitty small town you grew up in, be the first to graduate high school, go to college, not be a teen parent or repeat the same cycles that everyone else around you are. If you want to be the curse breaker, it’s going to take a lot of work, it’s going to take boundaries, and at times, it may mean leaving your family so you can be the best version of yourself.  This is one of the hardest relationships that you may have to let go of, if you want to truly forge your own path in life. 

• The second relationship to look at in your life are your Friendships. This one can also be hard to also let go of because a lot of our friends can feel like family. Like family, our friends are often with us from childhood. We grew up with them, shared the most pivotal moments in our lives with them, and shared our deepest thoughts with our friends. But at some point in all of our lives, we may choose different paths. Some friends may grow up, some may peak in high school and long for their high school years, while some will finally flourish when they move away from the home city that kept them small. As you start to grow, learn, and flourish, not all of your friends will be happy for you. You may start to notice the small little jabs that they make at you, they may  start to make comments that you’ve changed or even outright say that YOU think you’re better than them because you’re growing and  no longer partaking in certain behaviors that keep you stuck or behind. Letting go of friendships that no longer are meaningful, keeping you from your full potential may be a difficult thing to do but it may be a necessary thing to do if you find that your values, goals, and purposes no longer align with your friends. 

• Romantic relationships: Not everyone has this type of relationship in their lives but many people do. This type of relationship can include being in a new relationship,  a long term committed relationship, or a marriage. Like the two relationships above that were discussed, this one can be hard to let go of. Like family, our romantic relationships are essentially family and thus, this relationship can be the hardest one to reassess and let go of. This type of relationship often elicits the most emotion to include fear and denial. Fear of letting go of people who we have become reliant on, being comfortable with, and abandoning ourselves in order to meet the shortcomings of the other person; being in denial that you deserve better or that you and that other person no longer have the same goals, values, and that you’re moving forward while the other person is stuck and will be left behind while you move forward on your next journey. Coming to this realization can be heartbreaking because it’s not just your life that will be changing but the others too that may include children, family members, and friends whose lives will also be impacted. In forging your own path,  choosing yourself, your happiness, and having the strength to let go of this relationship will cause a lot of emotions to include guilt, grief, loss, and shame. It will take time to heal from but once you realize that you are no longer trapped,  your light will shine again. 

• Occupational  relationship: People don’t often think about their relationship with their employer and yet, most people spend the most time with this entity. Why is this relationship important to reassess and how does this relationship hold people back from living their fullest potential? Some people hate change, transitions, and have anxiety and the thought of anything new.  Instead, they would rather stay in the same, old, safe, unfulfilled job than reach for something new. Some people feel that they owe loyalty to their boss or company because they may have gotten their first start there. Because this relationship is transactional,  both the employer and employee may think that a lack of boundaries, abuse, toxicity, and other forms of negative behaviors are acceptable. As an employee, you DO NOT have to tolerate abusive shit from your boss or anyone else you work with. If you do not accept crap from family members, your friends, or romantic partners, what makes you think you have to take shit from your boss? Most people were taught that you had to respect your boss and company but if they don’t reciprocate the same respect, you don’t owe them the same courtesy. If your job is mentally draining you, taking over your life, your health, and quality of life, it’s time to reassess if this is a relationship that you want to maintain regardless if it’s transactional. You still have the right to be treated with dignity and respect. 

To forge your own path in life, you will need to let go of relationships that hold you back from achieving peace, harmony, and being your true and best self.  Once you let go of the negativity and surround yourself with the people who support, uplift, and encourage you, your life will change in ways that you never imagined.  Forging your own path in life is not never easy but once you find that peace, you will never let anyone or anything disturb it again!

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