It's MY TURN

Whew! March is in full swing! Daylight Savings Time was this past Sunday and turning the clock an hour ahead is always hard for me. I love to sleep and rest so when we lose an extra hour of sleep,  it’s hard on my body! But in return, we get the sunlight so I guess this is a fair trade??  Since it’s March, I know that many of my readers are enjoying their spring break or are so ready for their spring break. I hope you all get to go somewhere fun, relaxing, or even just have a staycation to relax, replenish, and rejuvenate. Speaking of break, I contemplated if I was going to take a spring break and came to the conclusion that I should! It’s only fair that I practice what I preach. I will be taking off this coming week so no blog for next week. I’ve gone through many transitions in my business since the beginning of this year. At times,  I don’t realize how emotionally draining this can be. So to my fellow businesswomen out there, remember to take a break, step back, and take care of you! 

To those who continue to read my blog, I APPRECIATE ALL OF YOU! I’ve had a few people request to unsubscribe from my blog and I’ve had new subscribers! I understand that we are all inundated with constant emails and I hold no hard feelings to anyone who does not wish to receive weekly emails.  On the positive, I received feedback from readers that they have found my content helpful and that they look forward to receiving it! Writing this blog never feels like work to me. It’s fun and I love to help others about the various topics that my clients and other people often struggle with.

I’ve enjoyed writing each of the past blogs and last week my blog focused on having HATERS. When you start being an amazing badass, not everyone is going to enjoy the new confident you. They want to bring you down and “humble” you. When you start having boundaries, being true to yourself, checking your own boxes of success, and ignore the haters, you are forging your own path! 

Interestingly, as women, we are often delegated to the role of a caregiver. Many of us were parentified (I will discuss this in another blog), had to take on a lot of responsibility early on in life, care for others, and put other people’s needs before our own. As a childfree, single, woman, who grew up in a large Hmong family, I was told consistently that my role was to take care of others. Reflecting back, much of my mid 20’s and 30's were all about focusing on the needs of others, planning for others (bachelorette parties, wedding showers, weddings, baby showers, etc). I had to celebrate other people’s life changes because they were deemed more important or successful than me because of society’s perspective. No one celebrated me when I opened my business (besides my immediate family), I didn’t receive gifts, a huge party, or  money as a blessing. I realized that even though I didn’t have “my own family” I have been giving and giving and giving to others and somehow, I was expected to do this and the response was “it’s the least you can do!” I felt depleted, exhausted, and resentful.  Luckily for me, when I turned 40 this past year, I said “NAH AH!  NO MORE!  IT’S MY TURN!” It’s time for me to start celebrating myself, start living for me, owning my life, and doing  whatever the hell I want! SO LADIES, if you are sick of putting yourself last, caring for everyone else, and are ready to say NOPE! It’s all about me now. This week’s blog is for you! It’s all about me, me, me (meaning you as the reader). That’s right. ME!  It’s My TURN. THIS IS THE ERA OF ME and doing whatever the hell I WANT.  Get READY!

So many women that I know professionally and personally, have been put in the role as a caregiver for so long that they no longer have their own identity. And this one may hit home but I’ve found that some women use the role of a caregiver as a shield to stay in their shell. Yep. I said it. Some prefer to be the wallpaper where they can blend in with the wall so they won’t be seen. They prefer or have been conditioned to put other people’s needs before their own so that they themselves and others forget about their existence unless they’re needed to take care of someone or something. Oftentimes, it’s their own family that has made them unseen and convenient. Easily accessible for everyone but themselves.

Well girl, it’s time to get out of that damn shell and stop blending with that damn old ass wallpaper! You’re too vibrant, too cool, and too fabulous to languish and serve people who don’t deserve your goodness and kindness. It’s time you start giving yourself the care, love, and treatment that you have been giving to others!  Too often as women, society has thrived on the unpaid emotional and physical labor that we give to others and we’re repeatedly told that’s our role to keep serving others.  Well fuck that! It’s time to start LIVING FOR YOU!

So, how do you start living for yourself? Well your girl here is going to give you some tips!  If you have been following my blog, you are going to notice common themes or steps that get repeated over and over and it’s done intentionally! You’re going to see it so often that you will become a pro at it. Let’s get started:

Take Risks: Step out of your comfort zone and pursue your goals and dreams boldly!  Don't let fear of failure or rejection hold you back from taking risks and pursuing opportunities for growth and self-discovery.  It’s all about learning curves! 

Let Go of Perfectionism: There is no such thing as perfection! Release the need to be perfect and embrace the process of learning and growth.  Allow yourself to make mistakes and learn from them without judgment.

Have patience: Have patience with yourself. Too many people expect fast results. When you go through this journey, there will be many trials and errors. Getting to know who you are, what you like and dislikes will take time. 

Practice Self-Compassion: This reminder will come up a lot because people are too hard on themselves. We’ve been taught that reverse psychology will make us work harder if we’re hard on ourselves because this will spur us into action. It actually has the opposite impact so treat yourself with kindness and love. 

Embrace Your  Authenticity: Learn to be true to yourself and embrace your uniqueness. Avoid comparing yourself to others or seeking validation from external sources. Embrace your strengths, quirks, imperfections, and celebrate your authentic self. Use your “disadvantages” to your advantage. 

Surround Yourself with Supportive People: Find your tribe! Build a supportive network of friends, family, and mentors who encourage and uplift you in your journey. Surround yourself with people who accept you for who you are and inspire you to be your best self and cut off anyone who is toxic! It’s all about YOU. 

Society loves to give women timelines to scare us into conforming and not living for ourselves. Many women think “Oh, I’m too old! It’s too late for me to start living for myself. I should just settle and not even try.” Girl! It’s never too late to start living for you! Some of the most badass women I know finally began living for themselves once they became widowed, divorced, or retired. Many finally started living and thriving and in their 60’s 70’s and 80’s! Don’t let your age stop you from starting your journey. 

As always, when you forge your own path, be prepared for those who will try to remind you of the old you.  They love to  remind you that you used to be so accommodating, so easy, and so willing to help out. Nah! Don’t fall into that trap. They’re mad that you found your light and are desperately trying to dim it. Nope! Your light is shining bright like a DIAMOND!  So ladies, this is the ERA of YOU and get ready to fabulously OWN YOUR TURN!