It’s “right” but why does it feel so WRONG?

Happy last week of April! You know what they say, April showers bring May flowers and yet some of you may be wondering what flowers? I know that in talking to many people, things just feel very hard right now.  I have been reflecting much on my April and how this will transition into May. Even with all the uncertainty, I remain hopeful as I know that all of this is meant to help with my growth and hence, I am here to remind all of you that tough times are part of your strength and growth.

As my avid readers know,  I have been transitioning through some changes in my business and I am happy to say that in addition to my therapy business, I have also added a coaching and consulting business also! My coaching and consulting business has been in the works since last fall.  Some of you may be wondering why I decided to add coaching and consulting.  I knew that intuitively I wanted to do more than just therapy and that by sticking with therapy, I would be doing myself a disservice by not challenging myself and believing that I can do more. 

As with anything new that I do, I research, I like to do things “by the book,” I sign up for free seminars, webinars, and anything that would be a resource for me. There were many presentations that emphasized that “this is the right way to do it, if you want to be “SUCCESSFUL,” especially when it comes to the male dominated world of Consulting. 

As I sat, watched,  listened, and took notes, to these people who were great at their jobs and who were successful,  I knew that the information that they taught had a lot of value and would likely make me become successful too; and yet, as I sat and listened, my gut was telling me, that it was all wrong. The presenter wasn’t wrong…it just felt wrong for ME. 

Why did it feel  wrong for me? It felt too impersonal (felt like a business class 101). Now, I understand that we’re in the business of being a business which is to make money and a living. However, as I sat and reflected, I realized that I also had a choice on how I choose to make my money and what I want my branding, business, and message to attract.  I realized that I wanted to be authentic and show up as my real self versus some pompous “Big 4” consultant who was all business without the emotions and human aspect of working with people. 

You’re probably wondering what the heck does all of your consulting business have to do with me and forging my own path this week Poiab?  Well…it’s not the consulting business itself but the feelings, reservations, and trusting my intuition on doing what is RIGHT for me. 

Our society loves to tell us how and what is the “right” way to do things.  In one of my earlier blog posts, I discussed challenging the status quo of society and what society views is right, may not be what is “right” for you. How many of us have tried to do everything “right” and still felt miserable? (I’m raising my hands right now).   Many of the clients that choose to work with me “have it all” from the outside. Perfection in their image, work, house, spouse, kids, vacation, and sadly it’s all a facade. One word that they all use is “fraud.” They feel that they are a fraud because even if they did everything right, internally,  they’re unfulfilled, miserable, and  languishing away. Because they did everything “right,” and have all the external validations of society, they feel guilt and shame that they’re “complaining” about their perfect life. 

First of all, I want to emphasize that there is NOTHING to feel guilty and shameful about. One of the first things in forging your own path is admitting that the current path you are on is not the right path for you. It may look right but it DOESN’T feel right.  It’s okay if it doesn’t feel right; this just means that you have some work to do. Will it be easy? Probably not but whoever said forging your own path was easy? 

So, you finally admitted that the path you’re on doesn’t fulfill you, you’re not happy to start your day, you feel lost, and quite frankly, you don’t even know who you are. When I work with clients who come to me feeling this way, I ask them several questions and we discuss what their FOUNDATIONS are. Whenever you build anything, it’s essential that you have foundations. My clients and I discuss the following: 

• Identify Core Values: Assess the different aspects of your life such as relationships, career, personal development, and spirituality. Try to identify the values that are most important in each area. Some common values include integrity, compassion, loyalty, creativity, and freedom. Then ask yourself how this relates to you and which brings out the best in you. 

• What is most important:  Questions to ask yourself and reflect on: What do I want to achieve or experience? What makes me feel fulfilled and satisfied? What do I stand for? What do I believe in? Do I actually believe in my mission or purpose? Be honest with yourself when you ask yourself these questions. 

• Learn to pivot: So many people are afraid to make modifications and changes once they choose a path. They believe that they have to stick to the plan. Every plan needs pivoting, which is essential as part of your growth process. Always remember, nothing is a finale! 

• Make a plan: Once you identify your foundations, make a plan on how you will take action. It’s easier to divide your  plan into smaller, manageable tasks or steps. This makes it less overwhelming and helps you see progress more clearly. 

• Prioritize Tasks: Determine which tasks take priority.  Some tasks may be dependent on others or have higher priority due to their impact on the overall plan.

I know many of you are probably feeling overwhelmed with all the steps above. When I ask my clients to consider their foundations and next steps, a few have responded about how much work it is to even get started; and I respond back, “Yes. This is A LOT of work. This will be hard but CHOOSE your hard.” As my friend Angie Kircher stated, “you can’t amazon prime” hard work in a world that demands instant gratification without the work and effort. 

Ladies, when you are ready to forge your own path,  being honest, authentic, and doing what is right for you may be one of the most difficult things that you will have to  sit with. Taking a path that may work for others, make them successful, may be their path but the steps they took, may not be right for you. You can define your own success and do what is right for you. How do you know if you’ve made the right choice? You will feel at peace and most importantly aligned with a sense of calm.  So, ladies, trust your intuition, especially if the “right”  path feels wrong.  It’s okay to follow the “wrong.”  Who knows, the wrong may lead you to the right when you finally trust the path you’re on.  GET ON IT LADIES;  YOU GOT THIS! 

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